The Holy Roman Empire Strikes Back!
/Luther excommunicated by Pope Leo X, subsequently summoned by Holy Roman Emperor Charles V.
WORMS, Germany — The matter of what to do about Martin Luther has officially been turned over to the state authorities following yesterday's potential excommunication. Luther, an Augustinian friar turned University of Wittenberg theology professor, is clearly not having the best week ever.
The ordeal began on Monday with Dr. Luther's less than flattering review of Church policy, much of which skewered His Holiness Pope Leo directly.
In response to the scathing listicle, the Holy Father hastily called for a papal consistory in which Luther's potential heresy would be examined. An anonymous source within the Vatican stated that, "at first things seemed to be working in favor of the German professor, with only a handful of his teachings being deemed 'scandalous to pious ears.'"
However, the tide reportedly turned when Pope Leo unleashed his secret weapon: famed debater and theologian Johann Eck.
Johann Eck: "If he's preaching hate — excommunicate."
Eck "delivered a moving oratory in which he called Luther's writing 'outrageous, egregious, preposterous' and called for immediate banishment from the Church," said our source. "His final assertion that 'if he's preaching hate — excommunicate' was met with thunderous applause from an overwhelming majority of those present."
A decision was reached shortly after Eck's speech.
Late last night, the Press Office of the Holy See issued Exsurge Domine (Arise O Lord): a papal bull offering Luther 60 days to recant or be excommunicated and declared a heretic.
The bull also requires that any text containing the teachings of Luther is to be "burned publicly and solemnly in the presence of the clerics and people."
Additionally, a summons for Luther was released by the Office of the Holy Roman Emperor Charles V this morning.
Holy Roman Emperor Charles V, proudly displaying his prominent chin.
Luther is now required to meet before a tribunal in Worms, which will determine whether or not state charges will be filed. He has been guaranteed safe passage to and from the meeting, and will be offered a final chance to renounce his views.
Dr. Luther has been unreachable for comment since the news of his possible dismissal from the Church.
We'll have more as the story develops.
